Focusing on others allows you to avoid focusing on yourself.
When I shared a piece about my struggle with alcohol the other day, the most common response I received from people was “I’m proud of you.” It goes over with me about as well as watching people leave their dog shit in the park;)
Ask my husband, he’ll tell you I don’t even accept those words from him.
Bear with me, and let your guard down if you are one of the people who said that and just hear me out. I realize we all say things because we want to express support and no ill intent is behind what we say. However, I share my experiences out of hopes that it will wake people up in their own lives, not for others to commend me.
“I think you’re brave”
“Your honesty is so inspiring”
“Your courage makes me feel stronger to do what I need to do”
Those are responses I’ve received and accept with a high regard and respect. “I’m proud of you” reeks of arrogance and disconnection from your own short comings.
What I would love to see is people acknowledge that I struck a chord in them and then get to work on making changes in their own lives. Don’t be proud of me. Go out and do hard shit and make yourself proud!
Telling people you are proud of them for doing things that should be expected is an insult. Like the Chris Rock standup bit where he talks about absent black fathers bragging that they pay child support or haven’t been to prison. His response is so blatantly honest and therefore hysterical…
“You’re not supposed to go to prison you stupid motherfucker!”
I shouldn’t be commended for being honest and vulnerable. It should be expected.
When we focus on the accomplishments, struggles or narratives in the lives of others it allows us to deflect attention from our own shortcomings. It’s so easy to escape the work we should be doing when we busy ourselves with other peoples’ lives.
Use others for inspiration but do the work wirhin.
Your happiness is not a gift given to you by others.
Create a mantra for your life. If you aren't writing your story, someone else is writing it for you.
Listen: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/eml-radio-talking-truth/id1498113483?i=1000558947971
Hello my friends!
I'm finishing up the transition away from Locals onto Substack and wanted to be sure each of you have made the necessary adjustments to your accounts. For those of you who have remaining months left on your paid support here, I have comped you the balance over at Substack.
This will be the final week I post content here.
I will resume the live recordings over there, starting with our first call on Friday, March 3rd at 9am/12pm. Invitations to join the Zoom calls will go out on Substack. Mark your calendars!
Also, be sure to download the Substack App! I love the app and find it so helpful in organizing content I want to read later by keeping it on my dashboard.
See you on the other side!
https://eviefatz.substack.com/
One of the biggest challenges in writing my book is not being able to share any of it along the way. Given my narcissistic need for constant approval and attention, not having any feedback is killing me. Even negative attention is better than no attention at all (which explains a lot of my behavior in life), so not only am I missing the praise but I also miss my haters.
I need to break out of this cave. Thanks to Chuck Palahniuk who writes Spoiler Alert on Substack, but you would know as the author of Fight Club, I got the idea to share some excerpts and things that won’t make the final edit. This will give us both what we need. I get some attention and you get some thought provoking words to make you think (and possibly laugh, cry or both.)
Today’s snippet is from the first draft of a chapter titled, Remove Your Kindergarten Name Tag. I am currently on my third revision and we can all be thankful for this. As I walk my readers through the dark hallways of my earliest years, and attempt ...
Wanted to pass this short video along. We think of health in very limited ways. Faith, nature, love, communality, shared human experience…all prove to be just as necessary, if not more so, than going to the gym.
I’ve always viewed and taught health from this perspective. It is my belief the lack of these essential elements is as big an issue in our culture as poor diet and lack of movement.
The takeaway-we can do better🙏🏼
