Christmas is a time for peace, not chaos.

We’ve been sold a lie that the holidays are a hectic time, with so much to get done and so little time to do it.

Let’s start with how little time there is to get things done. Bullshit. Christmas is on December 25th every year and for those of you reading this, you’ve had anywhere from 30 to 80 Christmases come and go. By now, this date shouldn’t be sneaking up on you.

If you do feel short of time, maybe you’re doing too much. Maybe it’s time to look beyond what you have to get done and start looking at why you’re doing all the things in the first place? Why would you be creating stress around a peaceful holiday? If you’re a Christian, why would you turn the celebration of your savior’s birth into chaos?

I was at a med-spa appointment yesterday and the gal who helps me with my skincare asked me what we are doing for Christmas. She started by telling me she has three young girls so they have clear set boundaries with family. They don’t shuffle their kids from house to house, in an attempt to fulfill an obligation to grandparents, aunt and uncles or other extended family. Instead, they invite anyone who chooses, to spend the day celebrating at their home. I suddenly had a new level of liking this gal;)

It struck me because it is a rarity to hear people use the word “boundaries” when describing their holiday plans.

I told her we too spend the holidays quietly enjoying family time and from time to time we take a family trip. I mentioned our tradition of taking a family trip for the holidays started years ago after the death of our daughter. For several years, it was too painful to spend Christmas with my sisters and their small children so my husband and I traveled. Our first Christmas after Kathryn’s death was spent in Rome. Going to midnight mass at Santa Maria Maggiore, the oldest basilica in Italy and eating pizza at 1am, while strolling the cobble stone streets. By far our favorite Christmas memory as a couple. We learned how much we valued making memories as a couple, more so than continuing a tradition of large family gatherings that I grew up in.

She asked me if I minded her asking how my daughter died? I told her most certainly not, and that Kathryn was born with a chromosome abnormality called trisomy 18. Upon hearing this, she let out a gasp and was silent. What she said next was unbelievable…

“Evie, my daughter Grace died of trisomy 18 too.”

You have to realize this is so unbelievable because trisomy 18 is very rare. So rare in fact that in 20 years since I had Kathryn, I have never met someone in person who has experienced it.

We talked, shared the struggles only a mom of a deceased child could understand, cried a bit, hugged and I left. All in about 10 minutes. But, it all made sense now that she has boundaries and a rare peace and appreciation for Christmas.

Struggle gives you a deep meaning to life. When you have meaning, you tend to spend less time doing things you’d rather not do. You’re less prone to running yourself ragged because of what society says you “should be” doing. You spend more time doing what makes you truly happy.

Spend some time this next week asking yourself what matters most to you. Ask yourself what truly makes you happy. Are your duties leading up to the holidays aligned with what matters most, or what someone else says “should be” done? Are you caught up in doing things that cause you stress because you’ve somehow convinced yourself this is what the holidays are all about?

Set boundaries; not only with others, but with yourself. Ditch the things that don’t matter and stop doing things that don’t make you happy.

Relax. Slow your roll. Create peace.