Self-esteem is something you earn, it's not magically granted to you by others.
Whoever thought the ass-backwards idea that we should have high self-esteem without any effort to justify our existence was a good idea? Only someone who has no clue how the human psyche works, that's who.
In a world where suicide is the second leading cause of death in males under age 25 (just recently surpassed by Fentanyl overdoses), these statements may seem heretical. Really? I'm going to tell people to have less self-esteem, when suicide has become common place? Yes, I am.
Maybe thinking highly of yourself, without doing anything at all with your life leads to a sense of worthlessness. I am not attempting to say this alone is the reason for skyrocketing rates of suicide, that would be naive as the reasons are complex and far beyond my pay grade; but I can tell you human beings are wired for adversity and purpose. Without purpose, it is awfully difficult to justify the suffering life involves.
I was parenting my daughter through early adolescence during the age of "build your kid's self-esteem", and "everyone gets a trophy just for showing up." Thankfully I've never been swayed by the masses and never adhered to those parenting principles. Nor do I now, parenting her through her teenage years. Simply waking up in the morning doesn't make you a good person. Merely existing isn't reason to feel proud of yourself. Behaving in a way such that you live with meaning, explore your natural talents and lend something useful to the world around you is reason to hold yourself in high regard.
The word esteem by definition means respect and admiration. What do you admire? Who do you hold with much respect? Things and people who simply exist? Of course not. You admire and respect those people and things whom serve a greater purpose. Things that leave you feeling inspired or maybe just content and happy to be around because they emanate goodness. Things that took hard work, and miraculous levels of ingenuity to create. People who show dedication and unrelenting drive. Those deserve respect and admiration.
This is how you earn respect and admiration for yourself. You don't just wake up with it. You do things to make yourself proud. Hard things; things that fulfill your purpose and make life worth living, regardless of all the pain and suffering it involves.
This is what you teach your kids. If you want them to have self respect, teach them to do admirable things. Hold them accountable and encourage them to do what is difficult. Let them know their life matters and although finding their purpose is going to be hard, it's worth every ounce of work involved. Don't rob them of finding their purpose by telling them the lie that just "being" is good enough. Don't try to make their lives easier, make them stronger!
Stop trying to make your own life easier and make yourself stronger. Do the things you are scared to do. Chase the dreams you will encounter failure after failure to achieve. Make yourself proud.
Earn your self-esteem.
If you enjoyed this article, you will also want to listen to this episode of EML Radio: https://eviefatz.com/2021/07/29/ep-81-we-are-deprived-of-deprivation/
Your happiness is not a gift given to you by others.
Create a mantra for your life. If you aren't writing your story, someone else is writing it for you.
Listen: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/eml-radio-talking-truth/id1498113483?i=1000558947971
Hello my friends!
I'm finishing up the transition away from Locals onto Substack and wanted to be sure each of you have made the necessary adjustments to your accounts. For those of you who have remaining months left on your paid support here, I have comped you the balance over at Substack.
This will be the final week I post content here.
I will resume the live recordings over there, starting with our first call on Friday, March 3rd at 9am/12pm. Invitations to join the Zoom calls will go out on Substack. Mark your calendars!
Also, be sure to download the Substack App! I love the app and find it so helpful in organizing content I want to read later by keeping it on my dashboard.
See you on the other side!
https://eviefatz.substack.com/
One of the biggest challenges in writing my book is not being able to share any of it along the way. Given my narcissistic need for constant approval and attention, not having any feedback is killing me. Even negative attention is better than no attention at all (which explains a lot of my behavior in life), so not only am I missing the praise but I also miss my haters.
I need to break out of this cave. Thanks to Chuck Palahniuk who writes Spoiler Alert on Substack, but you would know as the author of Fight Club, I got the idea to share some excerpts and things that won’t make the final edit. This will give us both what we need. I get some attention and you get some thought provoking words to make you think (and possibly laugh, cry or both.)
Today’s snippet is from the first draft of a chapter titled, Remove Your Kindergarten Name Tag. I am currently on my third revision and we can all be thankful for this. As I walk my readers through the dark hallways of my earliest years, and attempt ...
Wanted to pass this short video along. We think of health in very limited ways. Faith, nature, love, communality, shared human experience…all prove to be just as necessary, if not more so, than going to the gym.
I’ve always viewed and taught health from this perspective. It is my belief the lack of these essential elements is as big an issue in our culture as poor diet and lack of movement.
The takeaway-we can do better🙏🏼