Living a life others want to emulate is far more powerful than telling people how to live.

How many things in your life would you do differently if someone was watching you? Maybe you’d put your cart back at the grocery store or eat one cookie instead of ten. Perhaps you’d spend less time mindlessly scrolling on social media or binging on Netflix for hours on end, if someone was there to see you do it. You might go for a walk instead of snoozing your alarm and you might get to the gym like you promised yourself you would do this year.

I’ve always found it interesting that people tend to do a sort of “confession” with me in terms of their lifestyle habits. I am hard pressed to have a conversation with someone that doesn’t involve them saying something about the way they’ve been eating or exercising. They say things like, “I found this new cereal and instantly wondered what you’d think of it,” or “I was eating an acai bowl the other day and thought how Evie would just kill me for eating this.” I would go to my daughter’s school events when she was younger, and women I don’t even know would nervously explain to me how they don’t typically make such unhealthy treats but this was a special occasion.

Or they share the opposite end of the spectrum, telling me how they stopped eating from a package, stopped snoozing their alarm, avoid looking at their phone first thing in the morning or any other healthy behavior I have taught them at some time. They say things like, “you would’ve been so proud of me, I ate 13 colors today!”

I have to admit, for years I thought this was so strange. I couldn’t figure out why people needed to tell me about their eating habits. Was it because they thought I was judging them? I certainly hoped not because I never was. Honestly, I am busy enough trying to figure out my own life, that what someone else is eating doesn’t even cross my mind.

But I finally figured out why people do this and I have to admit, it’s pretty fucking great. They think of me when I’m not around. I don’t have to be physically present for people to remember what I’ve said. They can trust that what I am saying is what I am living. They share their victories with me because I make them want to be better.

There was a Roman politician by the name of Cato the Younger (95 BC - 46 BC) who was known for his heroic defense of the Republic but also for his self-discipline and stubbornness. His name appears throughout Stoic literature, which is interesting because he never wrote anything down. He wasn’t a great teacher or a writer, but someone who lived a life of bravery as an example. Seneca instructed us to have a Cato in our lives. Someone we can allow into our minds to use as a guide for our actions, even when they’re not present. Someone whose voice we can hear admonishing our destructive behaviors when we are tempted to be lazy or dishonest.

We don’t put someone in mind who is simply telling us what to do, but rather, someone who is living a life we want to emulate.

What else could I ask for in life than to be someone who makes people want to be better? Someone told me awhile back that I make her want to be a better person; I think of this every day and try to live my life as an example of what it means to work to be better. Collectively, everyone who reads my work or chooses to follow my lead is the Cato in my life. You keep me living better, so I can be a better example. At the end of my days, knowing I made others want to be better is about an accomplished of a life as I could ever imagine.

It is the work you do that people see, not the words you say. Live a life others want to emulate, don’t tell them how to live.