You can accept the way things are, while you are working to change them.

This statement may sound contradictory at first glance. If you accept things as they are, aren’t you admitting they don’t need to be changed? Absolutely not, let me explain.

My husband and I are working diligently on making some changes in our marriage; things like: more acceptance of one another for who we are, less approaching conversations with an “I’m gonna win this argument” approach, less reliance on one another for peace and happiness within ourselves, not agreeing to things we don’t agree with and avoiding resentment. All positive changes by any measure. Does this mean we are unhappily married? Of course not, it means we want things to be better. We accept the way things currently are WHILE we are working to change them.

None of us typically approach improvements within ourselves with the same level of acceptance. We often hear the phrase that you will only make drastic changes when you get tired of shoveling your own shit. I say this often as well, and I truly believe it. But there is a difference between being fed up with our destructive habits and behaviors, and not accepting ourselves for where we are in the process of change. In simple terms, we focus so much on the end goal that we forget the current moment is all we really have. We spend each day discontent and longing for a time in the future when things will be different. Sadly, for most people that day never comes.

When we approach improvements or change with a singular focus on the end result, we lose focus of the work in the present moment. We see the result as some far off, distance place we may never get and by doing so, we lessen our likelihood of ever getting there. We fail to recognize where we are in the process of change with our obsession with the goal.

Embodying acceptance at the same time as working for change is a difficult task. By nature we are impatient and struggle to live at peace within our current environment. We tend to either accept our current selves or circumstances with hands thrown in the air as if there is nothing we can do about it, or we live with perpetual discontent in longing for who we aren’t yet or what we haven’t yet achieved. The successful pursuit of change comes from living in this moment, knowing there is work to do right now and with this work, comes the change we desire.

I am finding this approach to my marriage so freeing. After somewhat difficult conversations with one another, we are still able to enjoy the rest of our day because we both accept where we are now, knowing each of us independently is doing the work to be better. There is something so freeing in this process. The more I accept where we are, the more work I am willing to do to get to a place we both want to be.

What if you were willing to accept who you are right now, without associating acceptance with defeat? My bet is you would be willing to do a lot more work in the present moment if you were actually living in the present moment. You would be less overwhelmed from the work and less inclined to throw in the towel, if you stopped focusing on how far you have to go. My guess is you would finally lose the weight you’ve been trying to lose if you lived in the moment, each and every moment. You would find a more fulfilling career, have a better marriage, a better relationship with someone in your family, or improve your position in life if you looked in the current moment rather than searching for it in the future, which does not exist.

If you can’t find peace and content in the current moment, you won’t find it anywhere.